This happened several months ago, but for some reason I could not write it.
I had been to Manipal for recruiting interns. When we were finished, we decided to visit the beach. At the beach, I stood there, staring at the sea, wondering its vastness and calm. And suddenly, I was filled with some kind of sadness. Oh where is that river?
There is this song written by GS Shivarudrappa in Kannada, "kaaNada kaDalige hambaliside mana"(mind is longing for the unseen sea). In the song a river has been personified and through the adroit mincing of words the poet has ingeniously expressed river's feelings. The gushing river imagines the 'sea', its final destination. It puts together all information it has heard about 'the sea', in this captivating composition.
The river says, "my mind is longing for the unseen sea, will I ever be able to see it, will I ever be able to merge into its color", the river hears the whispering roar of waves, river wonders how could the sea be so calm when thousands of rivers merge into it.
The last two lines of the song leave me awestruck. The line goes like "jaTila kaananada, kuTila paThagaLali hariva toreyu naanu...". It means, 'I am the stream that flows through crooked paths in the arduous forests, will I be able to dissolve into the blueness of the sea someday?' The rhyming words chosen by the poet and the cadent voice of Ashwath, resonates with my emotions and imagination. I imagine the world in which 'I' am the river and I am chasing my dreams.
Looking at sea, I wondered what happened to that river? Where did it go? Oh.. it has lost its identity in the vastness of sea. Does the river exist anymore? Where am I? Have I lost myself and my identity in chasing one of my dreams? What am I going to become? How do I redeem myself from this world and go back to my dream world? Lots of thoughts whooshed through my mind.
I was awakened from my dream by the rain which forced me to run for cover. Torrential rain lasted for almost an hour and obscured the visibility completely. The sea was no more visible. Oh.. this is the redemption of the river. Yes, the rain gods are showering in the mountains on which the river is reborn. I felt happy about it. The river is not lost anymore. In the almighty's scheme of things, some things are elusive.
I felt light. I did not feel like I was lost. I learnt a lesson here. I just need to have sound goals and dreams and chase them with conscious effort. Life is never boring again...