tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-108114082024-03-08T07:37:36.689+05:30The PeregrinationThe Peregrination of A Beautiful Mind.Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.comBlogger138125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-73304680755787860572023-03-12T23:26:00.005+05:302023-03-12T23:29:21.196+05:30Loneliness and challenge<p> I came across this line while browsing on quora, "If you have power to go to restaurant or cinema alone, you can achieve anything". I would like to add "travel to places" to above statement.</p><p>This is very interesting and most powerful statement. More than the pain of loneliness, social response to the situation is what I am afraid of. Perhaps, I just have to overcome this fear and just do it. This line came as a silver lining as I was beginning to slide into the side, which is full of despair. </p><p>I planned a lot of things to keep me in the positive side, but unable to succeed in any of them. Now, I have found this new hope, let me see how far I can take it.</p><p>All the best to myself!</p>Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-53020322361164150372023-02-05T23:26:00.003+05:302023-02-05T23:35:31.388+05:30The Kite Flying<p> It is always exciting to answer the question -<b> When was the last time you did something for the first time?</b></p><p>That is the reason for this post! Yes, I flew a Kite for the first time in my life on Jan 15, Sankranti day. When friends invited me for Kite flying, I wasn't sure, the sceptical in me did not want me to go, as I was afraid that I might fail and feel sad. But I had heard somewhere, a healthy emotional state is to be open for new things. I wonder if the universe conspires such things when I need them or these things are always around and I just hear/read/notice them when I am in low emotional state.</p><p>So, I decided to go. Harsh and Jainil taught me how to tie the kite to the tether. It is all aero dynamics, weight and balance. When I really tried flying, man it is a real skill. The way Jainil and Harsh's kites soared to the sky, they are pros. They were encouraging us to not give up. After a long time of failed attempts, Harsh boosted my Kite took flight. Masters gave clear instructions on what and what not to do. When my Kite soared high, the feeling was indescribable. I had discovered a new me, there was joyous feeling that I had done something new. I felt like a part of me was flying.</p><p>The kite is controllable as long as it is tied to the tether. It has wings, a nose and anchor (or tail) that guides the nose. When wind sweeps over the, due to the pull from tether, drag and lift are created and the kite takes flight. When we pull the tether, the kite moves in the direction of the nose. When we let the tether loose, it starts to circle around and at the right direction, pull the tether and kite flies higher and farther. Kite falls to the ground when separated from tether. It was a great experience and will become one of my core memories!!</p><p>A lot of feelings swept through me after this. In fact, I always thought my life is like a kite. Sometimes I am sick of things (someone, some emotional attachment etc.) that are <b>holding me back</b>, but like the kite, some of these may be things that are <b>holding me together</b>.<br />When the kite starts to nose dive, one should loosen the tether so the kite turns around and then pull, so kite climbs higher. When our plans fail, we nosedive emotionally. It is a very fragile state, a slight push can break us and we end up doing things that can't be reversed. We should just give some slack until we regain sanity and then push us to make right decisions.</p><p>The Kite flying experience allowed me to discover new me and I am sure I became a slightly better person! Thanks to all friends who were part of this!!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-34659559083376162892023-02-05T22:41:00.000+05:302023-02-05T22:41:28.220+05:30The retrospection<p>This was partially composed almost 2 years ago. This time there are real reasons for my absence from blogging and my laziness is not one of them. I am glad about this.</p><p>As I ponder over events of the years that passed, it was a quite tricky and challenging. The impact of the Covid 19 pandemic, having been the victim of biggest deception and betrayal, emotional support of friends and family, shattered plans, yet I managed to keep my emotional health in check. Isn't that a great achievement compared to the turmoil I went through in past few years.</p><p>I regularly worked out until my eye surgery. After the recovery mind did its tricks and won over my will, I gained a lot of weight, reduced physical activity and reached, probably the worst physical shape yet in life. My workout attempts did not continue past a week. I had motivation, but I had stronger reasons not to. It is funny to dwell on those reasons, yet mind played the trick and won all the time.</p><p>All my plans of learning new language, music are still in the planning stage.</p><p>Perhaps work is the biggest factor that held me together. I too needed that. I buried myself in work, work consumed me, and above all the team bursting with positive energy kept me from falling into the trap. Yet again, I am hoping 2023 is going to be the best year yet.</p>Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-28599344468052095902020-06-03T23:15:00.000+05:302020-06-03T23:15:12.876+05:30Insomnia - How I hacked mineEver since lockdown started, everything changed. This was unprecedented in our lifetime. It is like when you deviate from routine, life becomes chaotic. The chaos, restrictions and anxiety of what is future going to be was causing its side effect on everyday life.<div>In a matter of days, I was finding it difficult to fall asleep. All kinds of thoughts were haunting me, mind was processing these thoughts restlessly. There were nights I had slept for 4 to 5 hours and working following day, continuously for more than 10-12 hours. I tried hard, counting numbers 1 to 100, back to 1 with deep breaths, I remained wide awake. Eventually, I started watching movies to <b>kill time, </b>late nights sometimes till early mornings.</div><div><br /></div><div>This went for weeks. Lower back pain started showing up, some days it was so severe. I felt intense pain when waking up in the morning. The back pain had completely vanished after my cult fit workouts. This was getting worse.</div><div>I started working out at home, thanks to live.fit. But my sleeplessness continued. Unfortunately, there was no relief to my lower back pain also.</div><div><br /></div><div>My comrade friend was also facing the Insomnia. We decided to hack our way through this. We analysed the situation. It was very clear that, our problems were playing in our minds, causing restlessness in brain. It was a vicious cycle, sleeplessness was causing disturbing thoughts, which in turn was keeping the brain awake. As the brain was not getting enough rest, the body was not getting recovery time.</div><div><br /></div><div>We concluded that one way is to find solutions to problems. If that is not possible, most of the times we can't solve what we can't control. We can try to improve situation. That is what comrade chose.</div><div>It was not possible in my case. </div><div><br /></div><div>Around this time two things happened. </div><div>While cleaning my stuff, I found this book, Silva Mind Control Methods, that I had bought in a thrift store 18 years ago. I went through first chapter which explained about brain wave activity. It explained different stages of brain activity, technics to lower brain wave activity and how it improves body recovery. It was fascinating. I just had to believe it. I had counted 1 to 100 and 100 to 1, but in vain. This time I had a basis to believe. <b>I believed</b>.</div><div><br /></div><div>In a span of few days, I stumbled across this Mind Valley promotion video in which Vishen Lakianai was talking about ultramind. It was all quite familiar tricks and when he mentioned that he learnt it in a Silva mind control workshop, I was like wow.... what are the possibilities of coincidence? </div><div>This was the answer to my calling. I will be a fool if I still did not believe. I believed I can control my mind, by controlling mind I believed I can become more productive.</div><div>I just visualized my brain and waves emanating from it, and lowering the frequency of those waves and I fell asleep. Voila, I had hacked my Insomnia.</div><div><br /></div><div>Several weeks have passed now, my lower back pain has significantly reduced. I am feeling quite healthy and positive. When things are going good, something happened. Coursera suggested me to join the course - "<span style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: large;">A Life of Happiness and Fulfilment</span>". </div><div>Now what are the odds? Is it coincidence or some divine hands are at play? Whatever it is I am enjoying it.</div>Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-32911906247548399652020-05-19T22:02:00.002+05:302020-05-19T22:03:12.341+05:30The Storyteller's Secret - A fiction by Sejal Badani<font size="4">Last month, I finished reading The Storyteller's Secret a fiction after a long long time. </font><span style="font-size: large;">Probably The Fellowship of the Ring was the last fiction book I read about couple of years ago.</span><div><br /></div><div><font size="4">It was interesting story. There are many secrets in everyone's life. That would not only impact them but many others connected to them. This is the story of what one's heart wants and what is dharma. When both contradict, is it OK to go against dharma? Below is my review on Goodreads about this book.</font></div><div><br /></div><div><font size="4"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;">For me, Jaya's first hand experience of India and few other aspects are technically incorrect, but pardonable. Author has made lot of errors while building the facades for the story.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;">But the whole book is about Amisha and Ravi. Amisha was torn between what her heart wants and the societal morality. The author has built this dilemma pretty well, depicting the way Amisha was brought up in pre-independence era. The way she was looking for an identity as a story teller. Honest servant Ravi was a true comrade in Amisha's life.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;">I think even in the modern world, many people are torn between their heart and morality. The book was a page turner after halfway and ending was ok.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;">I don't recommend this as a must read, but not very bad either.</span></font></div>Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-79801079313289550392020-05-08T23:55:00.001+05:302020-05-08T23:58:35.299+05:30My success storiesAfter finding the root cause of my situation - My planning hell should no longer affect me. Somewhere, I was proud of having devised such an ingenious way of self deception!<div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>My first success, I revamped this blog and have been writing regularly. I hope to do so, as I don't have any more blockers.</li><li>I finally completed the last assignment of Neural Network and Deep Learning course, which had become a blocker for many weeks.</li><li>I have successfully hacked my insomnia and able to sleep peacefully. I even remembered yesterday's dream very vividly.</li></ul><div>I should mention, there was a huge help by a comrade who was a co-hacker, thank you comrade. I want to write more about how I fixed my insomnia in another post.</div></div><div>Time to dream now :)</div>Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-10159028163955874902020-05-07T17:40:00.000+05:302020-05-07T17:40:07.727+05:30Life hack - My planning hell<div style="text-align: justify;">Yes, I have become a victim of my own carefully crafted scheme of planning hell. After carefully analysing my life over last few months, that is hacking my life, I finally found the bug.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Let me explain what happened. Even I was shocked at the finesse of the deception and how it victimised me for so long.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I was probably at my emotionally lowest stage in my life. As they say, when you hit the bottom, only way is up. So I started asking relevant questions. Quora, Medium, Google and some coincidental movies - all helped me to come out of my misery. Though things are very personal at micro level, I figured there are 3 or 4 phases at macro level to find the purpose of life and lead a content one.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Analyse -> Plan -> Execute -> Evaluate -> Make corrections -> Execute (The cycle goes on).</div><h4 style="text-align: justify;">Analyse<br /></h4><div>I carefully analysed, what I had, what I longed to have, what I needed to have and things that I can't have. Then, what I want to become - some realistic goals, how to achieve these goals. I realised, if I know my worst case scenario, it gives a lot of confidence as I know, I can't loose more than that. Actually it gives immense psychological confidence. Here I set a lot of goals, all of which may not be achieved, its OK to have fallback goals.</div><h4 style="text-align: left;">Plan</h4><div>Next, after prioritising the goals, planned my steps to achieve them. Here everything seems to be well planned. A lot of stuff is written about this on the internet. Many folks have cautioned the danger of being in this phase for a long time. I fell victim here too. Dreaming about achieving the goals. This initially gives some Dopamine that gives a false impression that I am making progress. Over time, I started realising something was not correct. I am not making real progress. It didn't take much time to detect this and fix.</div><div>After this false success, I laid objective plans, like </div><div>- I have to finish a course in a month. </div><div>- Revamp the blog and update regularly.</div><div>- Read lot of books etc.</div><div>Here is where my genius brain induced the bug. For every step, I keep a pre-requisite step and trivialise it. I mean this pre-requisite step is so simple that I could do anytime. </div><div>For example, the pre-requisite of writing blog regularly was to revamp the look and feel. That is so easy and I can do it anytime. Why now? When I am thinking this way, I am deliberately missing that this small, trivial step is blocking my progress over to the execution phase.</div><div>Same happens in upskilling goal. I shortlist the courses that I want to finish. Then I think I can just sign up for the course anytime, why now? There I blocked my progress to the execution phase.</div><h4 style="text-align: left;">Misery</h4><div>I will keep blaming these trivial stuff are blocking my progress. When Dopamine wears off, I again go into the miserable state. Since I have already been there, this time I fall into a local minima. It is easy to rise from here. Then I feel confident again, because it is not new, I have already risen from a global minima.</div><h4 style="text-align: left;">The vicious cycle</h4><div>The cycle continues. The depth of fall is quite shallow and frequency of the cycle increases.</div><div>It appears like an elaborate scheme of mine to cheat myself. I don't know if I knew it all along so objectively or I was a real victim. Now that I know the problem and the solution. I hope I can make a progress to the execution phase. Execute -> Evaluate -> Correct -> Execute is also a cycle, but that would have made me a better human being and a content one too.</div><div><br /></div><div>This post appears to be lacking finesse but I am not falling into the same trap :) </div>Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-17190391065159433272020-05-05T22:47:00.000+05:302020-05-05T22:47:12.017+05:30The change is coming<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
After a lot of procrastination, I finally acted today. As usual lot of thoughts faded in my mind. They were my treasures. This dialog from The Lunchbox, caught my attention - <i>"we forget things if we have no one to tell them to"</i><br />
It is so true, some thoughts that would become a happy memory will fade within the murky puddle of random thoughts in mind, this is the place to preserve them.<br />
A lot has changed since my last post, personally and worldly.<br />
I have begun hacking life for better reasons. Time can only tell how long I will sustain it this time. Something tells me, this time, it is for a long long time. "A feeling".</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-21337240190479822302020-02-04T22:27:00.000+05:302020-02-04T22:27:46.477+05:30New year, new beginning<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Again, I abandoned my blog for more than 2 months. It is increasingly evident that my habits are not very consistent. I should keep telling myself to be more consistent.<br />
<br />
There was no big change over the past months. However I am gradually getting better. The mood swings are short and with reduced amplitudes. That means, I get back to normal quickly. It also means that I am not completely stable. But marching towards positive side.<br />
This particular medium article I went through today is very good.<br />
<a href="https://psiloveyou.xyz/the-1-thing-all-happily-married-couples-have-in-common-b8fabbe53bbe">https://psiloveyou.xyz/the-1-thing-all-happily-married-couples-have-in-common-b8fabbe53bbe</a><br />
I don't think one needs any more clarity than this.<br />
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So, as I confessed above, I am not very consistent. No progress on many things that I wanted to do. But recently a new spark was triggered that made last couple of days very productive. Hope the productive streak will carry the momentum in right direction.</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-52805800486330194092019-11-14T17:09:00.001+05:302019-11-14T17:09:08.393+05:30Universe's way of helping me<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It appears like Medium, Google and Quora knows about my present situation, much better than I, myself. I keep getting article recommendation. Sometimes, the article appears like it was written for me, exclusively. I went through plenty of those, and it is one of the reason why I was able to bounce back to positive side of things.<br />
One such article titled,<br />
<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.84); font-family: medium-content-title-font, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-weight: 400; line-height: 48px; margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">"<a href="https://medium.com/jumpstart-your-dream-life/lessons-from-voltaire-on-finding-purpose-in-life-cffdded12c5a" target="_blank">Lessons from Voltaire on Finding Purpose in Life</a>".</span></div>
<div>
This had practical lessons to find purpose in life. How to go about after finding the purpose. The article talks nicely what not to do.</div>
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For example, the dangers of positive thinking without action - it is like just dreaming. Of course, positive thinking takes us out of depression, but later inaction will impact negatively much deeper.</div>
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Finally it ends by saying, Cultivate your garden, which is the best of the whole article.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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Elsewhere I read, more and more such articles are published everyday because world is not longer a peaceful place as it used to be!!</div>
</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-34437168842297033892019-11-14T16:45:00.002+05:302019-11-14T16:45:37.421+05:30Prejudice and judging<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I generally have a prejudiced notion that all auto rickshaw drivers are rude. May be most of them are.<br />
Few days ago, it was night and I was at Banashankari looking for a transportation to reach home. None of the app based modes available after trying for some time. Then and auto came, I asked if he will come to my area. There was a very soft touch in his voice when he asked if I can give Rs 20 extra on the meter. I couldn't say no, the manner in which the driver asked for it was extremely polite and there was no hint of demand at all.<br />
I agreed and when we started, I generally started some conversation on the road conditions and general topic. The driver was so knowledgeable, he had studied in college, perhaps he had chosen this profession due to a lot of factors. There was no sign of arrogance in his driving or his talks. This incident made me rethink my prejudice about auto drivers and in general any type of people.<br />
There are different types of people who have chosen a profession because of lot of constraints. We can't have a general opinion about a profession. Each individual is different.<br />
I hope this incident brought out a slightly better version of myself.</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-68882507216849179242019-10-23T22:15:00.002+05:302019-10-23T22:15:58.537+05:30Protecting my personal feelings<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I made a mistake of posting my very personal feelings in this public blog. I poured all my feelings into this blog as it kind of relieved my mental load as I did not have time to setup another private blog suitable to capture my very personal feelings.<br />
I will post only neutral information in my life here.<br />
I have created a new home for all my personal journals which will be restricted for viewing.<br />
<br />
Here is my new journal home : <a href="https://samayadagombe.wordpress.com/">https://samayadagombe.wordpress.com</a><br />
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If you are interested in knowing my life more closely, you may want to send me a request by visiting above journal home.</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-27177992633895698162019-10-20T10:47:00.000+05:302019-10-20T10:47:02.920+05:30Another sleepless night<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It was another sleepless night yesterday. Though I had woken up at 5:30 and have been doing some work, had done Dance fitness in the evening, I was confident that I will sleep well. But for some reason, I woke up at around 12, couldn't close my eyes at all.<br />
I watched Kabir Singh one more time on Netflix. It is strange that I was watching a Hindi movie twice and I had already watched Telugu version of the same. I got some messages from the movie, so mid night sleeplessness did not go in vain.<br />
Kabir's dadi says there are 2 ways of parting. One where the person dies, and we somehow manage to convince the mind that it is impossible to bring the person back. The other is, we have to forget the person because he/she decided to move away. It is the second one that is very difficult to convince the mind. It is actually true. Suffering is personal, no one can feel it.<br />
I don't know if I slept OK after watching the movie. Now I am alive and awake writing this. Hope this Sunday will not be wasted.</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-67971459954992964712019-10-19T22:34:00.002+05:302019-10-19T22:34:56.567+05:30Improvement in recovery<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am almost back to normal now. The hauntings continue, but in small bursts and does not last longer. A lot of medium articles about happiness, how to get out of misery are helping the mind to be stable and lean towards positive thinking.<br />
A good sign is, I am able to do 2 back to back workouts these days without fatiguing completely. After a strength workout, I am going for Dance fitness. My stamina is comparatively better during second workout compared to earlier.<br />
Somewhere I read, "patch up or break up, don't go too low on your self esteem", which makes sense. But, what happens to life later is a haunting question, which I still have not found an answer. Most probably I might take the life as it comes.<br />
One probable change that might help me is travel, I should take up solo travel to some tranquil places so the soul starts healing and accept the reality.<br />
In spite of all these, I am still unable to figure out my fault in the whole scheme of things. In whatever angle I analyse, my actions were mere reactions to what happened, and at that time, I tried my best not to loose control. But still why this happened in my life is a big question. Did I expect too much? I don't know. Anyway, I can't blame anybody for what happened in my life, it is my life and I should figure a way to live it.<br />
Signing off for yet another day...</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-60650132800052552692019-10-17T21:28:00.000+05:302019-10-17T21:28:31.337+05:30Positive recovery<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today was better than yesterday. I could dance like crazy and sweat so much as I was literally drenched in sweat, yet was not so tired. That is a good feeling, shows my endurance is increasing. Thats a good sign for a fit body.<br />
On my mental state, some of quora's posts, medium articles and interactions with friends are really helping me get over the past and focus on what I currently have in life. The very fact that I am writing this post shows, I am focussing my time and energy on things that matter.<br />
Though I missed on guitar practice, I plan to spend some time tomorrow so that I am prepared for the weekend class.<br />
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The mantra is - "This too shall pass".</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-30581114834754648352019-10-16T21:11:00.001+05:302019-10-16T21:11:28.439+05:30A mixed feeling day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today was a day of mixed feelings. The feeling that I am going to miss a part of my life kept on lingering every moment. I tried suppressing this thought by bringing in a lot of positive thoughts. Interaction with friends helped get over the haunting thought.<br />
Workout at Cult gave me a break for 2 hours. There was absolutely no thoughts during those two hours. I was dancing crazily though legs were paining. There is a wicked satisfaction in enduring this pain.<br />
But I kept checking if there was a call or message. There is still a hope that things will get better, but that hope is diminishing by the days.<br />
My life is going through interesting phase. Though I convince myself that I have accepted the worst case scenario, sometimes mind becomes weak and causes lot of confusion. It affects daily routines and I should consciously choose not to get distracted. I must work on controlling my mind and thoughts. May a bit more spirituality will help.</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-76667893181820631422019-10-15T06:11:00.000+05:302019-10-15T06:11:20.384+05:30The Recurrence of that feeling<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As the days pass, you are very confident of your role and purpose in life. You read good books, watch good movies and growing positive attitude towards life. You think you are going to conquer the world.<br />
And, suddenly one day you wake up and feel you are lost, and your longing for that which was the primary reason for your existential crisis, increases. You can no longer focus on things, sleepless nights haunt you, you become very vulnerable. You have crossed over to the negative side.<br />
This could be an opportunity to bounce back and gain higher amplitude on the positive side. But it is not an easy task, you will go through the suffering and same questions about purpose of your existence starts to haunt you.<br />
You are afraid, life is not going to be same again. The eternal loneliness, the void, aimlessness - all these feelings hurt you to the core.<br />
You become vulnerable and try to mend your broken heart and begin making peace with the same life that you once buried not to be re-opened. You beg, plead to go back to that life again, but somewhere you know it is not possible.<br />
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Then, slowly everything becomes clear, you make new conviction to live your life, and it is all over again. Sound mind in fit body becomes theme of life and future days will be happy and productive. But it doesn't happen just like that. You need a stimulus. This time, my stimulus was the book, "Be my perfect ending". When I started reading this book, some transformation took place and whatever I am feeling as missing in life became too small compared what I can achieve. So, I bounced back.<br />
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I am writing this so that if I ever get into the trap, I know this place will get me back to normal!</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-55225233257471835212019-10-03T17:11:00.001+05:302019-10-03T17:11:50.324+05:30September "Fit body" updates<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So far, I have lost 11kg in about 5.5 months.<br />
Haven't been on any cycle rides. My walking goal was also not met in September.</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-53065886738744355172019-10-03T16:48:00.000+05:302019-10-03T17:06:01.266+05:30The book - You are the best wife<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This is a book I accidentally started reading without knowing that it was based on a true story. The whole story is very well written and I had my own imagination of Bhavna.<br />
Like every tragedy story, the victim (in this case Ajay Pandey) faces existential crisis and starts asking fundamental questions like, what is the purpose of life? Why should I live? Should I earn? etc... (Can I relate to my earlier post? May be!)<br />
But the way author has recovered from the terrible loss and his struggle to find the purpose to live, to live for others is really inspirational.<br />
After finishing this book, I started asking questions like why do we love someone so much? When we know the absolute truth in life is death, why do we have desires, love, hate, anger and all the complex emotions that lead to mostly misery. I hope I will find my answers one day....<br />
I feel this post is quite shallow and I have not been able to articulate my thoughts justifiably.</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-8225204123186850012019-09-17T19:44:00.002+05:302019-09-18T06:21:54.881+05:30My fight with Existential crisis<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am sure at some point in time, everyone faces one or more of these questions<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>What is the purpose of my life?</li>
<li>Why should I exist?</li>
<li>Who is going to remember me when I am gone?</li>
<li>How should anyone remember me as, when I am no more?</li>
<li>Does anyone know/care that I exist?</li>
<li>Why should I achieve anything at all in life?</li>
</ul>
and so on....<br />
When faced one or more of above questions, you are dealing with "Existential Crisis". (Actually, I did not know that it is a general term even when I chose the title of this post!!)<br />
<br />
Since, I am writing this post, it is very clear that I am currently facing Existential crisis. If I think deeply, I know I will get into depression. So, without giving into the easy ways, let me document my ways of fighting with it. Although, I had my own downtime of couple of weeks.<br />
The solution is simple - "A sound mind in a fit body".<br />
<br />
How to achieve a fit body - Simple Join a gym. I was so lucky, I should thank my cousin Ganesha who introduced me to Cult.fit. It is changing my life beyond I could imagine. As of today, I have lost 10kg of weight in 5 months. I am actually in a jolly good mood now.<br />
I enjoy weight and strength exercise, dancing, boxing and prowl.<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Cover at least 100km of bicycle ride each month.</li>
<li>Walk at least 30km each month.</li>
</ul>
To keep track of my resolutions, I must keep posting my progress every month here. I am doing it for myself, so no cheating here :)<br />
So, I tackled my "Fit body" problem.<br />
<br />
Then comes to tough one - the sound mind. Mind is something that is extremely volatile. There is no limit to the train of thoughts that pass through the mind. Most of the times, I wonder how I ended up with a particular thought. The train is lost! It is extremely difficult to keep the mind from wavering around. It steals away sleep. No matter how much tired the body is, if the mind does not stop its activity, it is a sleepless night. I had my quota of sleep deprivation. My overall productivity hit the bottom. I had to do something to stay relevant in the universe. Thats where I went to my friends for help. And below are my resolutions to take the flaky mind to a sound one.<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Read lot of books - Starting with "Travel gods must be crazy"</li>
<li>Learn a new language - Spanish</li>
<li>Learn a new skill - Learning guitar since 3 weeks.</li>
<li>Regular journal of my activities (hence this post!)</li>
<li>Master a technology - Machine Learning and AI</li>
<li>Give the world, something it needs, free of cost - Teach somethings I am good at. This is still being shaped.</li>
</ul>
<div>
Wow, so many things to achieve in one short life, what I am waiting for.... Hey, world here I come!</div>
<div>
Actually writing this post itself is bringing a lot of positive impact.</div>
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<br /></div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-15290902766493214392019-09-16T21:03:00.000+05:302019-09-16T21:03:09.070+05:30Recent movies about intense love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
After almost more than a decade, I watched a Telugu movie, <b>Dear Comrade</b>. I watched it because I loved the Kannada version of the song - "Kadalante kaada kannu". It is kind of crazy, liked the Kannada song and watched the Telugu movie. But that is not the point.<div>
The movie was quite refreshing. I don't want to go over the story line, but want to document my take on 'love', the intense version of it.</div>
<div>
Another movie is <b>Kabir Singh</b>. I didn't know its original is Arjun Reddy, until a friend told me. I watched this movie after falling in love with its songs.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In both the movies, the boy and girl love each other intensely. Both movies deliberately ignore the details or the reason for their intense love. It is just given. Once we fall in love, we can't find reasons for it. The suffering after break up, is so intense and painful. Both the girl and the boy go through it. The more you love, the more you suffer due to break-up. The suffering just increases, because both love each other, and both think they are correct. Their reason is not selfishness, not to inflict pain in other, not hatred for someone, not misunderstanding, but it is pure love for one another. Both are ready to sacrifice anything, both love each other, but something keeps them apart. That is the strangeness of <b>love</b>. Somethings can't be explained at all. </div>
<div>
Perhaps a quite introspection could have helped, but things suddenly go out of hand due to aggression and anger. In both movies, it is shown that more suffering makes the love more intense. Not sure if that is the case in real life.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
I started this post to express something, but I failed due to lack of words. Perhaps that is love, you can't express in words, you have to feel it. Finally it is love that wins over everything in the world.</div>
</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-42643808435833371472019-09-09T18:42:00.002+05:302019-09-09T18:42:25.618+05:30A sound mind and productivity<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A sound mind can do miracles. Even though it is very apparent, I failed to record the earlier episodes in my journal.<br />
<br />
We all go through ups and downs in our life continuously, of course, that is life. When we face situations where we can not make decisions because we think whatever we decide is going to alter the course of our life. Actually the random events change the life more often.<br />
The mind keeps weighing various options and starts projecting how each decision is going to affect the future. In this phase of life, the productivity is at its lowest. Because the mind is occupied with analysis of endless combination of inputs, decision and outcomes, we ignore to notice apparently obvious things.<br />
At this point, friends play an important role. They provide perspectives that our mind is not capable of, due to its preoccupied thoughts. If things lead to depression, expert consultation helps.<br />
But in my case, most of the times, I come out of this phase eventually (of course after couple of sleepless nights and some tragedy movies!), and voila, things become quite clear. I wonder, why was I not able to think this way.<br />
<br />
Once the mind is on a high tide, we miraculously achieve many things, solve problems. I wonder how many people on this earth are fighting their own war. What if everyone makes peace with mind and become productive. We can make earth a much better place!!<br />
<br />
I stumbled upon a Medium article about how to stop thinking. I liked these lines from it - <span style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.84); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: -0.084px;"><b>No matter how much you want to achieve in the future, and no matter how much you’ve suffered in the past, appreciate that you are alive now.</b></span></div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-5946688238291803462019-08-11T21:52:00.003+05:302019-08-11T21:52:40.732+05:30Love Actually!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
From past couple of days, I had been wanting to watch this movie "Love Actually" for the reasons that are only known to me. It is movie that revolves around various classes of people include a British Prime ministers to C grade movie artists to already married man to an adolescent boy - All in search of love. Of course most of these themes are westernised and takes some effort to see them in Indian context.<br />
When I was randomly browsing on Zee 5 app, I stumbled upon this Kannada movie, Happy New Year. I very much liked a song from this movie, apart from this I had no clue that it is influenced by Love Actually! Of course all themes are completely Indian.<br />
Love is such an amazing experience, feeling or emotion which is impossible to express in words. I don't think it is mere longing for someone, it is such a profound concept, various artists have written very touching dialogs about love.<br />
My favorite is - "True love is putting someone else before yourself, even if it means not being happy" from movie Frozen.<br />
Yes true love is doing everything to make that person happy, even if it pains you. Here, the domain of love includes parents, kids, your true love, anybody you care for.<br />
<br />
The movie Happy New Year depicts how each one of them, people from various rungs of life, find their love. One finds it by fulfilling her last wish on her death bed, one finds it in searching for her, a father, when his daughter and wife understands him, when a rowdy finds it is a foreign lady though he doesn't understand her language and so on... The movie managed to make my eyes moist, the song "Preethiya Hesaru Neenu" will keep filling my heart for a lasting time...<br />
<br />
A story and music have so much power to fill an empty heart and to keep the person going. It was a well spent Sunday. A Sunday best lived!!</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-67016561774715340042019-08-07T22:05:00.001+05:302019-08-07T22:33:04.691+05:30Some Vague thoughts<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This post contains some of my random and raw thoughts, learnings, explorations, confusions on life...<br />
<br />
Of late, Satya and I are discussing some of the next level stuff about life and existence. What is our purpose here, why do we have certain desires, how to control our minds, what is next?<br />
<br />
Often times, I have failed to understand the meaning of 'Self' or the 'the soul'. I follow Swamy Sarvapriyananda's discourses on Youtube. I do understand to a certain extent but I feel there are gaps in my understanding.<br />
Swamyji says meditation is the key to control the mind. We carefully prepare our food so that the stomach does not get upset from what we eat.<br />
We don't just take a morsel of junk and put it inside our mouth. But we do exactly that with our minds. We take in things from the world indiscriminately and dump things into the mind until it becomes a mental dumpster. Through the cyclic process, these become part of subconscious mind. We don't have direct access to this part of mind.<br />
I will write more as and when I get some more insights.</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10811408.post-70639048468578532092019-08-05T22:52:00.002+05:302019-08-05T22:52:19.919+05:30A random act can change someone's life forever<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A random act of someone can change one's life forever. Changes can be positive and negative. Those resulting in positive changes are often selfless acts and we often forget to recognise.<br />
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Around March of 2019, my mental and physical state had reached its worst. My body weight had crossed 3 digit figure in kilo grams. I stopped evening walks, had very few clothes that fit my obese body. Could not sleep during nights. Was losing concentration at work. As a result of all these, I was losing confidence in myself. A trek to Bear mountain in March shook all of my confidence. I was struggling for breath after climbing one floor. I hope that was my worst ever possible state - mentally and physically. I believe I was on the verge of depression.<br />
<br />
Yet, I was not doing anything. <b>This is when my cousin Ganesha gave me a 7 day free pass to cult.fit fitness center</b>. At this point I did not have a slightest idea that it is going to change my life forever.<br />
Though he had been going there for several months, he had not pushed me to join. Madhu and I visited the JP Nagar 7th phase cult.fit center. The manager was nice and explained how things work. I signed up for free classes, then bought annual subscription, and the rest is history.<br />
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Now, I am regular at cult.fit and manage to do 2 sessions some days. This opened avenues to express myself. All my inhibitions were shattered, that dance move I had been suppressing for years, burning the flab that was always coming in my way, it is an awesome feeling at the end of the day.<br />
In 4 months, I have lost 8kg of body weight, I easily fit into old clothes. Last week, I walked 15km at Turahalli forest, yesterday's 63+km friendship day bicycle ride is boosting a lot of confidence in me.<br />
<br />
I must thank Ganesha for being the reason to change my life forever. Another lesson I learnt is, I should also always try to influence others for their well being - it doesn't matter if they follow, but my duty is to help.</div>
Shashihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07485095277849277621noreply@blogger.com0