Monday, September 28, 2009

My experiments with stoicism

Of late, I have noticed a difference in me. I have become stoic. No emotions, nothing makes me happy, sad... no feelings at all. There used to be a time when I used to enjoy every small thing I did. Be it pressing my clothes, running on treadmill, washing car, fixing a bug, playing TT, getting up early, I used to enjoy every bit of it. The joy after so much of physical effort was really rewarding.
But, what has happened to me now. I don't feel anything, but still I do all the things. Yesterday, I washed the car under scorching sun but at the end, I didn't feel the joy that I used to. Everything has become a routine job. At the same time, I don't neglect anything.
I did a lot of experimenting on myself. I watched stupid movies like 'mera pehla pehla pyar' in which the word 'logic' has no meaning at all. 'Escape to Africa' in HD failed to please me. Very good movie like 'Moggina Manasu' became a timepass. Trekking in the Sharavathi valley last week also failed to revive me.
I didn't feel bad when I was asked to work on weekend and mandatory holidays. In fact I am online now to fix some issues and I don't want to crib about it. I have not been able to meet my buddy Sridhar for 3 days, but still I am not feeling bad about it...
Hmm... Something has really gone wrong with me. I am planning to watch a horror movie alone to see if I get scared. I think Exorcist may be a good option. I have to find my way back to normalcy, I know I won't let myself be consumed by stoicism, but this has seriously reached its high.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Life with Ritzy-Ritz

Hmm.... I was always skeptical about my 4 wheeler driving, as I myself am defensive when driving 2 wheeler. But after all, it turned out to be not so difficult as I had originally thought. Now after having driven 1500km in 2 months, I am no longer scared to go out at any time. Earlier I used to leave very early or too late to avoid traffic. I was always worried about shifting gears. But after some time it becomes a kind of instinct. Just like when driving two wheeler, there is an instinctive co-ordination of hand and leg, only difference is roles are reversed for a four wheeler!!!
As Sridhar had told, car is a very special friend in life. It really changes the life.
First service is over a month ago and I was happy to see that the bill was Rs 0. I am getting an average mileage of 15+ in a mix of city and highway driving mostly without AC. I think it is good for a petrol car, and I am enjoying the driving.

The journey so far...

Hmm... today I found myself in front of my computer after a long time. Its been quite a long since I did this, and I am feeling de ja vu.
Life has become so overwhelmed with lot of things going on at work, but somehow I have managed to be successful at work. But I have lost rythm in life. I no longer read news paper, not so regular to gym, no photography, no treks, no reading, no blogging and my keyboard is lying there waiting for somebody to play.
After buying car, I washed it everyday for a week. Then it became once in a week or on the day when I am taking it out. Today, I just dusted it!!!
Then, there is this recession, 5 days of confirmed furlough in December. No idea when things start moving up.....
Now I am on a retrospection to find out why have I become like this. I hope to find root cause soon and I take the corrective action to bring life back on tracks.