Loneliness and challenge

 I came across this line while browsing on quora, "If you have power to go to restaurant or cinema alone, you can achieve anything". I would like to add "travel to places" to above statement.

This is very interesting and most powerful statement. More than the pain of loneliness, social response to the situation is what I am afraid of. Perhaps, I just have to overcome this fear and just do it. This line came as a silver lining as I was beginning to slide into the side, which is full of despair. 

I planned a lot of things to keep me in the positive side, but unable to succeed in any of them. Now, I have found this new hope, let me see how far I can take it.

All the best to myself!

The Kite Flying

 It is always exciting to answer the question - When was the last time you did something for the first time?

That is the reason for this post! Yes, I flew a Kite for the first time in my life on Jan 15, Sankranti day. When friends invited me for Kite flying, I wasn't sure, the sceptical in me did not want me to go, as I was afraid that I might fail and feel sad. But I had heard somewhere, a healthy emotional state is to be open for new things. I wonder if the universe conspires such things when I need them or these things are always around and I just hear/read/notice them when I am in low emotional state.

So, I decided to go. Harsh and Jainil taught me how to tie the kite to the tether. It is all aero dynamics, weight and balance. When I really tried flying, man it is a real skill. The way Jainil and Harsh's kites soared to the sky, they are pros. They were encouraging us to not give up. After a long time of failed attempts, Harsh boosted my Kite took flight. Masters gave clear instructions on what and what not to do. When my Kite soared high, the feeling was indescribable. I had discovered a new me, there was joyous feeling that I had done something new. I felt like a part of me was flying.

The kite is controllable as long as it is tied to the tether. It has wings, a nose and anchor (or tail) that guides the nose. When wind sweeps over the, due to the pull from tether, drag and lift are created and the kite takes flight. When we pull the tether, the kite moves in the direction of the nose. When we let the tether loose, it starts to circle around and at the right direction, pull the tether and kite flies higher and farther. Kite falls to the ground when separated from tether. It was a great experience and will become one of my core memories!!

A lot of feelings swept through me after this. In fact, I always thought my life is like a kite. Sometimes I am sick of things (someone, some emotional attachment etc.) that are holding me back, but like the kite, some of these may be things that are holding me together.
When the kite starts to nose dive, one should loosen the tether so the kite turns around and then pull, so kite climbs higher. When our plans fail, we nosedive emotionally. It is a very fragile state, a slight push can break us and we end up doing things that can't be reversed. We should just give some slack until we regain sanity and then push us to make right decisions.

The Kite flying experience allowed me to discover new me and I am sure I became a slightly better person! Thanks to all friends who were part of this!!

The retrospection

This was partially composed almost 2 years ago. This time there are real reasons for my absence from blogging and my laziness is not one of them. I am glad about this.

As I ponder over events of the years that passed, it was a quite tricky and challenging. The impact of the Covid 19 pandemic, having been the victim of biggest deception and betrayal, emotional support of friends and family, shattered plans, yet I managed to keep my emotional health in check. Isn't that a great achievement compared to the turmoil I went through in past few years.

I regularly worked out until my eye surgery. After the recovery mind did its tricks and won over my will, I gained a lot of weight, reduced physical activity and reached, probably the worst physical shape yet in life. My workout attempts did not continue past a week. I had motivation, but I had stronger reasons not to. It is funny to dwell on those reasons, yet mind played the trick and won all the time.

All my plans of learning new language, music are still in the planning stage.

Perhaps work is the biggest factor that held me together. I too needed that. I buried myself in work, work consumed me, and above all the team bursting with positive energy kept me from falling into the trap. Yet again, I am hoping 2023 is going to be the best year yet.