The Storyteller's Secret - A fiction by Sejal Badani

Last month, I finished reading The Storyteller's Secret a fiction after a long long time. Probably The Fellowship of the Ring was the last fiction book I read about couple of years ago.

It was interesting story. There are many secrets in everyone's life. That would not only impact them but many others connected to them. This is the story of what one's heart wants and what is dharma. When both contradict, is it OK to go against dharma? Below is my review on Goodreads about this book.

For me, Jaya's first hand experience of India and few other aspects are technically incorrect, but pardonable. Author has made lot of errors while building the facades for the story.
But the whole book is about Amisha and Ravi. Amisha was torn between what her heart wants and the societal morality. The author has built this dilemma pretty well, depicting the way Amisha was brought up in pre-independence era. The way she was looking for an identity as a story teller. Honest servant Ravi was a true comrade in Amisha's life.
I think even in the modern world, many people are torn between their heart and morality. The book was a page turner after halfway and ending was ok.
I don't recommend this as a must read, but not very bad either.

My success stories

After finding the root cause of my situation - My planning hell should no longer affect me. Somewhere, I was proud of having devised such an ingenious way of self deception!

• My first success, I revamped this blog and have been writing regularly. I hope to do so, as I don't have any more blockers.
• I finally completed the last assignment of Neural Network and Deep Learning course, which had become a blocker for many weeks.
• I have successfully hacked my insomnia and able to sleep peacefully. I even remembered yesterday's dream very vividly.

I should mention, there was a huge help by a comrade who was a co-hacker, thank you comrade. I want to write more about how I fixed my insomnia in another post.

Time to dream now :)

Life hack - My planning hell

Yes, I have become a victim of my own carefully crafted scheme of planning hell. After carefully analysing my life over last few months, that is hacking my life, I finally found the bug.

Let me explain what happened. Even I was shocked at the finesse of the deception and how it victimised me for so long.

I was probably at my emotionally lowest stage in my life. As they say, when you hit the bottom, only way is up. So I started asking relevant questions. Quora, Medium, Google and some coincidental movies - all helped me to come out of my misery. Though things are very personal at micro level, I figured there are 3 or 4 phases at macro level to find the purpose of life and lead a content one.

Analyse -> Plan -> Execute -> Evaluate -> Make corrections -> Execute (The cycle goes on).

Analyse

I carefully analysed, what I had, what I longed to have, what I needed to have and things that I can't have. Then, what I want to become - some realistic goals, how to achieve these goals. I realised, if I know my worst case scenario, it gives a lot of confidence as I know, I can't loose more than that. Actually it gives immense psychological confidence. Here I set a lot of goals, all of which may not be achieved, its OK to have fallback goals.

Plan

Next, after prioritising the goals, planned my steps to achieve them. Here everything seems to be well planned. A lot of stuff is written about this on the internet. Many folks have cautioned the danger of being in this phase for a long time. I fell victim here too. Dreaming about achieving the goals. This initially gives some Dopamine that gives a false impression that I am making progress. Over time, I started realising something was not correct. I am not making real progress. It didn't take much time to detect this and fix.

After this false success, I laid objective plans, like 

- I have to finish a course in a month. 

- Revamp the blog and update regularly.

- Read lot of books etc.

Here is where my genius brain induced the bug. For every step, I keep a pre-requisite step and trivialise it. I mean this pre-requisite step is so simple that I could do anytime. 

For example, the pre-requisite of writing blog regularly was to revamp the look and feel. That is so easy and I can do it anytime. Why now? When I am thinking this way, I am deliberately missing that this small, trivial step is blocking my progress over to the execution phase.

Same happens in upskilling goal. I shortlist the courses that I want to finish. Then I think I can just sign up for the course anytime, why now? There I blocked my progress to the execution phase.

Misery

I will keep blaming these trivial stuff are blocking my progress. When Dopamine wears off, I again go into the miserable state. Since I have already been there, this time I fall into a local minima. It is easy to rise from here. Then I feel confident again, because it is not new, I have already risen from a global minima.

The vicious cycle

The cycle continues. The depth of fall is quite shallow and frequency of the cycle increases.

It appears like an elaborate scheme of mine to cheat myself. I don't know if I knew it all along so objectively or I was a real victim. Now that I know the problem and the solution. I hope I can make a progress to the execution phase. Execute -> Evaluate -> Correct -> Execute is also a cycle, but that would have made me a better human being and a content one too.

This post appears to be lacking finesse but I am not falling into the same trap :) 

The change is coming

After a lot of procrastination, I finally acted today. As usual lot of thoughts faded in my mind. They were my treasures. This dialog from The Lunchbox, caught my attention - "we forget things if we have no one to tell them to"
It is so true, some thoughts that would become a happy memory will fade within the murky puddle of random thoughts in mind, this is the place to preserve them.
A lot has changed since my last post, personally and worldly.
I have begun hacking life for better reasons. Time can only tell how long I will sustain it this time. Something tells me, this time, it is for a long long time. "A feeling".